All Quiet on the Female Front

Being a woman was not salient in terms of my identity, until one particular event transpired while I was a graduate student. As a graduate assistant in housing, I had to learn to properly respond and cope with various incidents that happened on a large college campus. One such event caused me to leave to return to my on campus apartment after a particularly overwhelming call at 2:30 in the morning. It was just across the street and there was no need to drive from that building back to my own.  Yet as I walked across that street, a black car pulled up and let two students out so that they could return to the building which I had just left. As they exited the car, they saw me walking on the other side of the road and started shouting things about how much they would like to have their way with me, right here, in the middle of the road (needless to say, they were the ugliest words I have ever had another person say to me). They were two students coming back from a fraternity party and were slurring their words. They decided I was an easy target, thinking I was a freshman girl on campus.

I was terrified.

This very incident shook me to my core and made me reassess what it meant to be a woman in today’s society and how we are taught to ignore the comments that others make on the streets to us and to keep looking forward. That is how we handle being sexually harassed in this society.

But what about in the workforce? Specifically in Student Affairs? Sure, women out-number men in the Student Affairs world, but how do we handle ourselves at work. As a woman, have you ever been told to “calm down”, “save the tears for when your alone” or to not be so “emotional”?

This past NASPA conference, a group of 4 women, armed with their own personal experiences and Brené Brown’s teachings, got on stage to talk about vulnerability. One talked about how she was told to “tone it down” throughout life and to “sit there and be quiet”. Another touched on her experiences with losing her mother and how that truly helped mold her into the woman she is today. One other touched on being a woman of color in today’s society and how that affects her every day. What do all of these conversations have in common?

Vulnerability.

My three presenters and I decided to take away all the worries that we had about how others would perceive us and decided to be brave and talk about what issues women still need to discuss so that they feel they are a part of the conversation at work. Most of our presentation centered around women as leaders in Student Affairs and how that can be impeded by masculine leadership qualities that are presented to us. There is a belief that “women are unequipped to fulfill leadership roles” (Ely, Ibarra & Kolb, 2011).

We had women write their favorite quotes about being brave and authentic on black construction paper and asked them to share the struggles or victories that they have faced in their Student Affairs work place.

The response was overwhelming.

In a world where women are still struggling to “lean in”, we found that even in a female-dominated profession, it still held true (Sandberg, 2013). So what does this mean for us as women? It means that there is always a spot at the table for emotions, opinions, and voices. After all, aren’t we in a profession where a level of care is a necessity? Why not voice our opinions to contribute to that level of care?

Now it’s your turn.

What do you want others to know at work? Maybe it’s your opinion on a student in need and how to best help them. Maybe it is a project that has taken a lot out of you and you just need to let out your frustrations (in a closed door setting, of course). Or maybe you are like me and you sometimes need a good cry to keep yourself going every once in a while. Let yourself have it. You deserve it.

Now look back on the sentences and words that stick out:

I was terrified.

Vulnerability.

The response was overwhelming.

Now it’s your turn.

Kelsey Taylor is the Residence Life Coordinator at Birmingham-Southern College. She supervises Resident Advisors, predominately in the first-year student area. She is a recent graduate of the Higher Education Administration program at the University of Alabama, where she received her Master of Arts. Originally from Georgia, she currently resides in Birmingham, Alabama. You can find Kelsey on Twitter at @KntaylorSa. 

References:

Ely, R. J., Ibarra, H., & Kolb, D. M. (2011). Taking gender into account: Theory and design for women's leadership development programs. Academy Of Management Learning & Education, 10(3), 474-493.

Sandberg, S. (2013). Lean in: Women, work, and the will to lead (First edition.). New York: Alfred A. Knopf.