Expanding the Impact of Female Friendships

I have always valued female friendships. My best friend and I met making mud pies at the age of three and nearly 30 years later, we are still each other’s support system. In elementary school, I took on the “mom” role and was the bossy child organizing the make-believe set-up for the group of girls on the playground. In college, I lived and worked in an all-women’s hall for three years and also became a leader in my sorority. It made sense when I arrived in grad school to continue to build my network of women. This culminated with attending the NASPA IV-East Women in Student Affairs Conference in 2007 with my mentor, Jolene and my mentee, Melissa. We attended sessions on the gorgeous DePaul campus, networked with other professionals, and I got a sneak peek into my career.

 I was struck with the same feeling of connection, pride, and motivation as I attended the 2015 NASPA IV-East Women in Student Affairs Conference just a few days ago on the equally gorgeous Northwestern campus. In some cases, I am light years away from where I was as a recent M.A. degree graduate when I attended the 2007 conference. I have since spent seven glorious years in California at two different institutions, have presented nationally, travelled globally, and reflected thoroughly. I’ve loved and lost people in my life, some by virtue of the passing of time, others purposefully. I’ve moved cross-country twice and have gone from being supervised by a professional to being the one supervising professionals. I’ve found my voice. Although much has changed, being surrounded by strong, intelligent, opinionated women is not one of them. Several moments at the recent conference gave me pause. Sessions on the Black woman experience within the field, keynotes panels addressing social justice topics, and the WISA board asking for feedback on how we can be more intersectional all made this experience align with many of my thoughts over the past year.

Over the past few months, I have also started to realize friendship is not enough. Being supportive is not enough. We must do more for one another, particularly around intersectional identity issues, and most especially around race. It seems like you can’t throw a rock without hitting a story about a white woman, particularly a white woman who calls herself a feminist, fail to acknowledge women of color (talking about you, Taylor) or queer women (Patricia, we haven’t forgotten about you) or a variety of other intersectional topics.

White women reading this, we must do better. We have to. It is not enough to talk about work/life balance or Leaning In or Daring Bravely, or being vulnerable, or showing up with your authentic self or any other trademarked phrase if we fail to at the very least acknowledge the privilege associated with such approaches. Want to talk about the wage gap? Awesome! The stats you give should go beyond the pat, “Women earn 78 cents compared to men,” since African American women earn 64 cents and Hispanic women earn 56 cents compared to white men. And the wage gap is one of a multitude of topics that deserve an intersectional lens. Healthcare, access to childcare, the prison complex, immigration, access for women with disabilities, environmental issues, queer discrimination, poverty, education, hiring and promotion in the field, the list goes on and on. Each of these topics and many more should not be defaulted to how they impact white women, but instead how they impact all women. If your head is reeling, here’s a great primer on ways you can be practice being more intersectional.

White women in the field need to be more than friends with other women. We need to be warriors for one another. Go to battle for each other, even if the battlefield is not our own. We need to show up for each other, even when it feels uncomfortable. We need to educate ourselves and not place yet another burden on marginalized women to educate us. The battlefield is calling. Are you up for it?

Marci Walton is proud to serve as the Assistant Director for Academic Support and Learning Communities for Residence Life at Loyola University Chicago. She is interested in residence life, social justice, service, and the intersections of identity. She is passionately curious about social media, women’s leadership, and finding the perfect spot to admire Lake Michigan. Marci can be found on Twitter @MarciKWalton and blogs regularly at www.marcikwalton.com.