Finding my 80%

It was a Friday evening in 2010, and I could be found in my normal spot: against the corner of a window in the first floor. I looked up and out towards the Long Island sound, loving the view and this beautiful building that I got to spend so much time in. As my thoughts drifted to the picturesque view outside, I was quickly brought back to reality by a tap on my shoulder. “Hi Sue,” one of my seniors said as his beverage sloshed over the wood floors. “What do you have going on this weekend?” I looked around the room at the 80 engineering undergraduates and their guests dancing the night away and bit my tongue. “Oh, you know, same old,” I replied. As I chatted with this student and others, I tried to grin and bear it. My weekend? Well it looked pretty much like every other weekend as a student affairs professional in a live-on position that I knew of - it was booked solid. Between securing the refs for the soccer and volleyball games, making sure they received payment, being the administrator present at this party, a late night meeting with Student Government on Saturday and getting home to take my mom a few places, my weekend was over already. Grin and bear it, I thought. You’re lucky to have a job.

I believed that for a long time. I am actually still incredibly grateful for all the opportunities that have come my way, particularly my ones at Webb Institute. Webb gave me the greatest sense of what it was to truly care for a student population. I took my responsibilities pretty seriously for only being a year or two older than the average age of the student body. I found out shortly after that my position (Assistant Director of Student Services & Enrollment, Acting Athletic Director and Residential Director) was formerly called “House Mother” back when Webb first moved to the old Pratt family mansion. Any weekend spent in the emergency room with a sick student whose parents were across the country definitely gave me the feeling of being a House Mother. There were times when I thought, yeah, they should probably tack that onto the end of the title.

I loved Webb, and I loved the students. The feeling of a small community where everyone was really all about the students and their success made me feel like this small institution was really making a difference in this large, large world. I liked to think that by making one student’s day easier, I was making a world of difference. And sometimes, I was.

The most important lesson that my job as ‘house mother’ taught me was something that I do not talk about very often. In fact, I really only bring it up when someone raises the question, “Well, if you loved it so much, why did you leave?” It’s weird because I feel like leaving a job is such a personal decision, particularly at a place you were so fond of. The truth is, I left Webb because it taught me the 80% rule the hard way.

I recently read an article on the Quiet Revolution blog about the 80% rule and shared it with everyone in my current office and a few colleagues from other institutions. It was an epiphany moment for me, and I honestly wish that I would have read it a few years back. In synopsis, the 80% rule is a theory that by giving only 80% to your day job, you preserve time and ultimately you preserve yourself. This ‘preserve yourself’ part is the lesson that Webb taught me. Being all of these things to even a small population of students really left me no time to do the things I loved...and needed. I dropped anything and everything to be there when they needed it. By going 125% and not 80%, I didn’t preserve much of anything, not even a fraction of a Sue. When I looked for another position, I was really looking for some semblance of a return to the things I needed - regular therapist meetings, some time to be able to create things and time to spend on relationships that I cared about outside of a workplace.

I give credit to my first job at Webb to teaching me a ton of things, but this 80% rule is the most valuable one. In the years since I have left Webb, I have moved on to to become a director of student affairs, built a side business (suedles!) and met Dan, my future husfriend. I have carried the #webblove of my small community over to a student body of future physicians. Most importantly, I am proud to say that I have given my job a heartfelt 80%...and I have saved the rest to grow as a professional, person and a better Sue.

Sue Caulfield is a higher education professional and visual content weaver. She spends her time creating #suedles and displaying her creative nature on and off the job. Sue enjoys podcasting, blogging, reading, drawing and painting. She is the co-founder of the eSeries, “Committed”, illustrator of “The I’s Have It: Reflections on Introversion in Student Affairs”, and a proud Etsy shop owner. Sue currently serves as the inaugural Director of Student Affairs at the Hofstra North Shore-LIJ School of Medicine at Hofstra University. You can find her by following her #suedle posts, on suecaulfield.com or on Twitter @_suecaulfield.