This Barbie is Tired of Imposter Syndrome

When my former co-presenter approached me about expanding our presentation titled “This Barbie is Tired”: Addressing the Professional and Emotional Labor of Womxn in the Workplace and submitting it as a proposal for NASPA, I literally laughed out loud. Even though I knew the presentation was great and important to the many experiences of womxn in Higher Ed. I joked that as someone who did DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) work, NCORE was more my conference. NASPA wasn't for me (or at least, that’s what I used to think).

The truth of the matter was, NASPA and I had an internal history; this was despite the fact that I had never actually attended the conference. NASPA was the name of the conference that echoed around me and through my head all throughout my grad school program. NASPA was the conference everyone attended and must attend. To be honest, outside of that I didn’t even understand what it really was and what it entailed. NASPA was talked about but not really explained and as someone who realized that they were probably a first generation graduate student the last week of classes, it wasn’t something that I thought to ask more about. I also didn’t want to at the time because then they would know. People all around me talked about NASPA like it was a rite of passage, a place where all the “serious” student affairs professionals went and presented. I vividly remember hearing my friends talk about submitting a proposal for it and trying to attend. As someone who was already struggling with imposter syndrome I quietly told myself that “NASPA is only for smart people and the “really good” student affairs professionals.

And what did I mean by smart? Smart was my classmate who used big words, talked about theory and theorist in everyday conversations in and out of class, smart were the people going to get their PHD and Eds. Smart were the people who still didn’t wonder what they were doing in a grad school program still struggling with imposter syndrome. Because even after earning my first Master’s degree, here I was in my second graduate program at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor for Higher Education still battling the same thoughts of “Am I smart enough?” While I no longer was questioning whether it was a mistake and did they mean to admit me, I was now in a spiral of comparison and constantly asking myself “Was I smart enough to be here?” “Why don’t I talk like some of my classmates and professors?” I would later learn about academic posturing. And despite my experiences and credentials, I couldn’t help myself from still dealing with impostor syndrome. I didn’t feel like I fit into this world of theory, APA citations, and academic discourse (which is silly looking back because my friends and I would have these types of conversations all the time and I worked in a space that led these types of conversations). Overall I was waiting for someone to figure out I didn’t belong and I was convinced that NASPA was that very place where someone would. The reason that NCORE didn’t feel that way was because I knew DEI, I knew it was a space of inclusion and acceptance, I knew DEI theorists and theories, I could pull from my own experiences as someone in the BIPOC community, etc. I also had assumed and through my lack of research (and not just asking) that these conversations weren't happening at NASPA. In short at the time to me NASPA was the white washed conference and NCORE was the social justice conference without the pressure to be one of those higher ed professionals who could quote theorists off the top of their heads and speak fluent academia. So there I was being asked to submit this proposal for this conference that honestly intimidated me. I still don’t even know why I said yes to be honest. I’ll chuck it up to having two successful NCORE presentations under my belt and a supervisor who is very good at making me feel like I can do anything I put my mind to and giving me the push I need at times. I’m certain that universe has a sense of humor and wanted me to work through this NASPA imposter syndrome because before we even submitted the proposal my co-presenter got sick and suddenly, everything fell on me; including writing, which I honestly loathe (the irony of me writing this blog post is not lost on me). I had to pull on the theories, the academic language, APA citations, etc without the help of a co-presenter like before.

But I pushed forward and we submitted a proposal and when we got accepted, I laughed again. It felt surreal especially considering I was also one of the WISA Grant recipients and it was named a Sponsored program. The day of the presentation came and que in more universe humor. Some issues happened and I had to end up taking the lead and facilitating a major part of things. One thing being a former college athlete taught me though, was how to lean into discomfort and face challenges head-on. Also my athlete ego almost never lets me back down. So there I was, prepping and trouble shooting for NASPA on my own, forced to confront every lingering doubt I had about my intelligence, my credentials, during the presentation. But as the presentation and conference went on I realized, I was doing the work, I realized I do know the language. I do understand theory. I’ve lived the experiences we were talking about, and I could name them with clarity and depth and insight. Also our presentation was dope, shoutout to all the womxn who helped us!

NASPA unlocked something for me. I realized that I’m not just a competent presenter, I’m a skilled facilitator. I love the energy of engaging with a room, asking questions that generate reflection, and leading conversations that matter, especially those that center BIPOC womxn in higher education, which our presentation did. With every minute that passed, I found myself stepping into NASPA spaces naturally and passionately. And I wasn’t just surviving; I was thriving. And that impostor voice? Lying to me as always.

Attending NASPA turned out to be a transformative experience filled with amazing people in the WISA and African American Knowledge Communities that were so welcoming and affirming. The sessions provided meaningful insights and connections with people who poured into me in unexpected ways. But the most affirming part was being in another Higher Ed space that ended up being validating, welcoming, and filled with people who saw and truly understood me for being me. The WISA reception especially because after I left I truly felt for one of the first times that you don’t need a PhD to belong in these spaces, you just need your experiences, your voice, a sense of purpose, and your passion. People will always be there to help.

So here I am writing about how NASPA provided me with a full circle moment that I wasn’t even expecting. I presented at a conference I once thought was too academic and too smart for someone like me. And not only was I presenting, I was doing so with a sponsored program and a grant I received from WISA to support it and me being there. I went from questioning if I belonged to knowing that I absolutely do. So if you’re reading this and wondering the same thing about yourself, if you’re questioning whether your stories and experiences are academic enough, if your voice is loud enough, etc, as cliché sounds, just know it is enough and you are perfectly enough and as my supervisor once told me “Tell Imposter Syndrome to sit down somewhere.”

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LaQwana “Q” Dockery (she/her) is the Assistant Director at the University of Michigan-Flint’s Intercultural Center (ICC), where she develops cross-cultural programs centered on student voices, focusing on belonging, advocacy, and education. Q is also a co-chair of the Communities of Belonging initiative and an active member of the Campus Climate Team, contributing to a more inclusive and supportive campus environment.

Beyond her on-campus roles, Q is a member of The University of Michigan Voices of the Staff, an organization that represents staff perspectives and provides feedback to enhance staff engagement and institutional effectiveness. She has presented nationally on various DEI topics at the National Conference on Race and Ethnicity (NCORE) and is a member of their National Advisory Committee (NAC). She currently serves as the UM-Flint Staff Council Chair for the 2024-2025 year. Additionally, Q is on the UM-Flint DEI Committee, a group that looks to expand DEI to the larger UM-Flint campus community. For the past year Q has been a member of the Inclusive History Project, a university-wide research project where Q helps document and look into the diverse histories and contributions of marginalized communities within the university, both past and present.

Q earned her Bachelor of Social Work from Adrian College and holds two Master’s degrees from the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor, in Social Work and Higher Education, with a focus on Diversity and Social Justice in Higher Education.