This might be weird...

I had a doctor appointment today.  It was one of my 6-month check-ups with my oncologist.  And, I have to say something that many people might find to be weird.  I really enjoy these appointments at the oncology center.  See?  I told you it was weird.  Let me explain. 

I am a breast cancer survivor.  I have been cancer-free for two years, but am scheduled for check ups every six months.  This morning, part of my appointment required a blood draw.  After having the fasting blood draw, no less than 3 staff members offered a snack to me while I waited to get called back into one of the private rooms.  Each person was genuinely concerned that I might need a little sustenance after having fasted for a 9 am appointment.  And, there’s a free coffee machine in the waiting room.  Each person also commented on the impact a morning snack or breakfast can have on his or her attitude for the day.  They each wanted to be certain that I was going to start the day on a positive note.

After waiting a few minutes, I got called back into a room to see my oncologist.  He came into the room, while I was sitting in a regular chair, fully clothed, and had a conversation with me.  It wasn’t a really long conversation, but he came in, sat down facing me and asked me questions about how I’m doing.  And, they weren’t just cancer-related questions.  He wanted to know how things are going.  Have I been feeling well?  Have I caught the bug that seems to be going around in the last couple of months?  Why am I wearing a surgical boot on my foot? (I’m currently recovering from a surgery on my foot.)  And, he wanted to know about any pain I might be having with that.  This had absolutely nothing to do with why I was there to see him.  The conversation might have taken 5 minutes.  It wasn’t long, but it was long enough.  Then, he asked about the last time I had a breast exam and if it’s okay to do one today.  Now, I have no idea what would happen should I say no to this request, but it’s so nice that he asked.  When I agreed to this, he left the room so I could change into the gown and when he came back in to give the exam, he actually apologized for the intrusion.  While this wasn’t necessary, it was so considerate and went beyond his dealing with my physical health but focused on caring for my mental health, as well. 

Both my experience in the waiting room and with my oncologist got me to thinking about the relationship I have with so many students.  While I am not responsible for the physical health of my students, I do have an impact on their mental health.  I will often stop the work that I am doing to come out to the front desk and just sit with students and chat about things that have absolutely nothing to do with the work I do.  I want to share a joke or have them show me the funny YouTube video that everyone is watching.  I want to hear how their winter break went or about the service trip they went on.  I’m excited to see those that studied abroad.  And, I want to just hear about their day.  These moments are some of my very favorite moments of each day.  In fact, these moments are why I went into student affairs. 

I used to be concerned that my supervisor or my supervisor’s supervisor would think I was wasting time when they saw me just chatting with students for seemingly no reason.  But, then I had a supervisor who helped me realize that part of the work is the relationship that we build with each and every student with whom we work.  She made it okay for me to joke with students, spend a little time not getting something else done and having a little fun by seeing that this was still my work.  Because many times it’s the relationships we have that help us help students.  That relationship helps me challenge the students with whom I work while they know that I support them.  It allows them to come to me with issues that I might not have otherwise known about.  Sometimes those issues need to be shared with others at the college or can help us improve processes for other students.  But, what I used to think of as just “play” has become a major part of how I actually get work done.

Because I stopped doing something to take those few minutes to chat with students, I do sometimes need to stay a little late or take some work home.  But, it’s worth it.  That relationship will pay off, both in the short- and long-term.  And, just like my oncologist might not be able to see as many patients in one day as some other doctors, his relationship with each of his patients makes him a better doctor.  When something is bothering me, I’ll be more likely to tell him or ask a question about it.  I’ll bring up issues that might not seem like they have anything to do with cancer, but can help him know my concerns and they might ultimately have a connection to my health and how he might treat me. 

 So, when you’re feeling busy and there’s a group of students standing outside your office door talking, take a few minutes and go join them…guilt-free.  Talk with them about something that has absolutely nothing with what you were just doing, but that will allow them to share something about their day with you.  It doesn’t need to be very long, but the fact that you approached them and just had a casual conversation with them will make an impact.  And, in those situations where you might need to have an unpleasant conversation with a student, ask them questions.  Ask if it’s okay to spend some time on this topic.  While apologizing for the intrusion might not seem quite appropriate, you can certainly approach a difficult topic from the perspective that you’re just trying to learn more about the student and/or the situation.  And, don’t forget, sharing a snack or piece of candy always contributes to a positive experience.

Shelly Morris Mumma, Ph.D., is the Director of Leadership, Student Engagement & First Year Experience and the Campus Center at St. Norbert College.  She also teaches in the Leadership Studies minor at the college.