Unsure to Unapologetic: My Mixed-Race Experience

My name is Marina Mantos, I have dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and I have a tan complexion a majority of the year. Some of you may be thinking, why is she sharing that with us, a lot of people have those physical characteristics. I would like to encourage you all to think about those portions of my identity as share a couple stories.

Elementary school: this is where people learn how to read, how to do long division and how to interact with other individuals. This is also a time where standardized testing is a yearly occurrence, and when filling in boxes becomes normalized. It was in elementary school, taking a standardized test, that I realized I didn’t fit into a box. I remember looking at the race box on my test and seeing the “White” box was pre-filled for me. At that age I didn’t understand what that box was for but I knew it was wrong and I wanted to fix it. I remember asking my teacher to fill in an additional box, but she replied saying I could only fill in one box and I needed to choose ‘White’ or ‘Hispanic.’

Fast forward to tenth grade, I’ve become used to having to choose one box on standardized tests, but I still tried to fill in all the appropriate boxes anyway. My tenth grade history teacher was talking to my class about scholarships and the importance of preparing for colleges. As she reviewed various scholarships, she touched upon some for minority groups. She had decided she wanted to give examples of scholarships we could apply for, my example was a ‘Hispanic’ scholarship.

Fast forward again to my first day of class at San Diego State: the popular walkways are filled with various students and student organizations waiting to greet new and returning students. The student organizations had their flyers and tables ready to recruit students walking by, students like myself. As I walked past the various tables the first three organizations that stopped and spoke with me had a Latin@/Chican@ focus, and at one point someone spoke to me in Spanish.

Why are those three stories important? Let me tell you a little bit more about myself. My name is Marina Mantos, I have dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and I have a tan complexion a majority of the year. I am a proud mixed-race individual whose mom is Japanese and Guamanian and whose dad is White.

As you can tell by the stories above, I have always been ‘mislabeled’ in terms of my racial identity. Even after I would share my racial identity with others I would always be asked if I was sure I wasn’t Mexican, or Hispanic, or Latina, because there was no way I could look how I do and not be part of that group in some aspect. Growing up, I would get extremely frustrated with the racial mislabeling not because I didn’t like the community I was being associated with, but because people didn’t want to understand the community that I belonged to. I remember at one point I would only claim my Japanese and Guamanian identities because I knew I didn’t look white - I was never mistaken for white - so I clung to my minority identity because I knew it was different. Growing up mixed was hard because my peers didn’t understand what that meant, but I also couldn’t find anyone older than me who could relate to my mixed identity.

Even in college I couldn’t find a mentor who shared a mixed race identity and understood how difficult it was navigating cultural spaces. What I did find in college, though, was a way to explore, understand and become unapologetically mixed-race. I found a multicultural organization that embraced and celebrated my and my peers diverse backgrounds. I found mentors who may not have shared my mixed-race identity but who would support me when I struggled with my mixed identity. I found a way to accept the racial mislabeling and learn about a community that I would be mistaken for. I found the doors my racial identity gave me. Lastly, I found my passion to help the mixed/multiracial community.

As I end this I would like to challenge you to a few things. First, I challenge you to think about your experiences growing up. Have any of those experiences impacted you today and if they have, why have they stayed with you until now? Second, I challenge you all to think outside of the box, literally. When you see assessments and questions that ask you to check a box or pick a label, think about what it means to you, your family, your peers and your students. Lastly, I challenge you to learn more about the mixed/multiracial community where you are. Are there ways that community engages, and if not, how can you help engage and support them even if you don’t share that identity? By reading this post you’ve already started to learn more about one community member’s experience, now it’s time to go learn about someone else.

Marina is a second-year graduate student at the University of San Diego studying Higher Education Leadership. She is engaged in an action research project examining how to build community among multiracial students at USD. Marina works in the United Front Multicultural Center as a graduate Assistant.